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Friday
Nov212008

Laissez les bontemps roule...

On our way to New Orleans and our flight’s delayed by fifteen minutes.  Just enough time to whip out an unplanned blog post.

Who knew that Orlando International had a Krispy Kreme?

I’m a little ticked off because I forgot the little wire thing that connects my camera to my laptop.  It wouldn’t be a big deal except I sort of made an idiot of myself getting a snap of the “Hot Donuts Now” sign and, now... no picture on the blog.

I asked Tariq if he wanted me to get him a donut, but he said no.  And by “no,” he meant, I’m not going to submit to your suggestion that I pollute my body with that filth.

Please don’t argue with me, I’ve known him for eleven years and been his wife for seven of them.  I am positive that’s what he meant.

So, you know what?  I told him that was fine, but he better not expect to even lick the glaze off of the nondescript white bag they’re going to put them in.  Because I’m the one who stood at the counter and let the world know that I love the taste of Krispy Kreme more than I love my pancreas.

(The pancreas is the organ that metabolizes sugar, right?)

I’ve decided that this visit to New Orleans is going to be an “eating” trip.  We're going to visit every little dive that serves authentic Louisiana cuisine in New Orleans from now until next Friday.  This is slightly complicated by the fact that I don’t eat pork, and it happens to be in everything considered delicious there.

But, hey, that makes it even more interesting doesn’t it?

It’s New Orleans halal*.

Let the adventure and the indigestion begin.

*Halal is like kosher, but not.
Wednesday
Nov192008

Faiqa for Secretary of State

I read recently that Hillary Clinton might be named Secretary of State in President-elect Obama's new administration.

I got to thinking.  What, exactly, does a secretary of state do, besides force democratic elections which basically ensure the leadership of radical Islamists in an already unstable region of the world?

I love Hillary so much, and no offense to her, but I think Barack Obama should name me Secretary of State.

Oh, just hear me out.  I read over the job requirements on the U.S. Government home page.

I can totally do this.

As a matter of fact, I feel that I would particularly outshine other potential choices for the job in the following duties:

  • Negotiates, interprets, and terminates treaties and agreements.


This one time, a guy came over because our AC unit was leaking in the garage.  He said it would  cost $600 to fix.

I interpreted this to mean that the job would take several hours and asked him to come back the next day because I had stuff to do.  He came back the next day and replaced two inches of PVC pipe in about thirty minutes.

I was all, "Are you kidding me?  This wasn't the agreement.  I'm totally terminating this!"  He wasn't amenable, so I called the home office for two weeks straight.  Finally, I negotiated a price of $100.00.

(OK, really, I got so fed up that I made Tariq call them.  But, still, I delegated... that's very leader-like, you have to admit).

  • Supervises the administration of U.S. immigration laws abroad


I've so got this.  I'll have only one rule: if a person calls us "The Great Satan,"  they can't come in.

Those passing this test may relocate to Alaska, which happens to have the lowest square mileage per capita in the United States. Alaska also boasts an executive administration that is very well versed in foreign affairs, so it should be a smooth transition for our newly immigrated population.

  • Provides information to American citizens regarding the political, economic, social, cultural, and humanitarian conditions in foreign countries.


Remember that post I wrote for Avitable about Pakistan?  It was very politically, economically, socially, culturally and humanitarianily informative.  And even a little funny.

  • Informs the Congress and American citizens on the conduct of U.S. foreign relations.


I can do that right now, in two simple words: totally whack.

So.  What do you think?  Do you think I'll get the job?

I mean, I would only be available on weekends and evenings since I've scarred my child by taking her to places where children shouldn't go and now she won't go to daycare.

But, still.  I'm, at the very least, a viable choice, right?
Tuesday
Nov182008

Your Turn

You may have noticed that yesterday I did a meme.  And, though, it was super fun and even therapeutic, I did it because I have severe writer's block.  I simply cannot think of a single interesting thing to write about.

On a seemingly tangential, yet highly relevant note, some of you may know that I pulled my daughter out of preschool about two months ago.  As a result, I am, cough, cough, homeschooling her.  At least, until she's four.

One of the things we've been doing is sequencing.  I show her a series of pictures, and, then, she tells me what she thinks happened and in what order the events happened.

Well, damn.  That's a mighty good idea for someone who has writer's block, isn't it?  Except, I'm not a storyteller.  I'm a pontificater.  Yes, that is a word... that I just made up.

Are you a storyteller?  Good.  Tell me the story behind this photo.  (You can find more like it at http://www.xmarkjenkinsx.com/outside.html).

Monday
Nov172008

You Might Not Know That I...

...cannot do two things at once without making a complete mess of one them.

...cry almost every day.  Not because I'm sad, but because I'm very sensitive.  I cry when I'm happy, sad, confused, hungry, tired, or angry.

...have a family history of mental illness

...am allergic to popcorn, but eat it anyway (and then I wonder why I am in the ER with hives)

...get jealous of my husband because he's such a happy and well adjusted person

...am extremely hard on myself, but way too easy on others

...feel guilty about doing anything that benefits me exclusively

...can read other people very easily, my first impressions are accurate 99.999% of the time

...wish I had been much nicer to some people in high school and much meaner to others

...am afraid people will think I'm not genuine

...first tried pepperoni when I was 23 years old  (it was turkey)

...am lavish in my praise of others, but have never met anyone I "look up to"

...can be unusually competitive if the prize is something I care about

...feel physically tired all the time

...was 16 when I got my first credit card

...was 7 when I got my first paycheck (I worked for my mom after school... she paid me)

...miss the television show "Angel" so much that it makes me physically ill

...clean in order to resolve inner conflict

...try to be meticulously organized with my life, but that I admire people who aren't

...believe that I am inferior in some way to every single person I meet, irrespective of their intelligence, education or social status (and also that I am superior to them in some way, as well)

...am very careful about how I present myself to people.  Not because I'm afraid, but I wonder if people are ready or able to accept me for who I am all at one time

...love beef jerky, but haven't eaten any in over twenty years

...feel old when I hear Nirvana on a "retro station"

...love that I feel old

And I might not know that you...

Thanks to Finn, Miss Britt and Poppy for this meme which was my very first!
Monday
Nov172008

With Equality and Justice for All

I've been thinking about a way to address the issue of Prop 8 and Prop 2, but, truth be told, this is one of those rare moments when I haven't been able to articulate how I feel to my satisfaction.  I pride myself on my empathy, the ability to see "the other side" of things.  I try to approach these issues by understanding the heart of the opposing opinion...  I can't seem to do that in this context.

My love affair with the United States of America rests in the fact that, although, this nation, like every other, has engaged in oppressive acts, cruelty and unfairness, it's a nation in which the ideal of fairness has always existed.  Throughout our history, this nation has examined itself and generally moved in the direction of fairness and equality.

That said, I see the passage of the current marriage legislation as a step backwards in our evolution.  I wonder if the people who support this legislation understand that it opposes the very principles that allow them to practice their own beliefs as they see fit.  It opposes the notion of equal rights and the basic notion of "fairness" that lies at the heart of the American spirit.

I don't think I can say it better than Keith Olbermann says it in this clip from MSNBC.


Olbermann Special Comment on Prop 8

You may have strong convictions about this issue in your personal life.  I can understand that.  But, if you are an American, your ethical and moral responsibilities should be to defend the equality and fairness that lies at the heart of who we are.