Sick Day

Y. is home sick from school today with a mild fever and a cold that is causing him to produce such copious amounts of mucus that I'm in a serious state of regret about why snot isn't trading on the world's commodities markets. I'd be a rich woman, I tell you.

I'm feeling a little sketchy myself in terms of an annoying cold that I'm hoping doesn't get as bad as the boy's. Tariq offered to stay home, but because his job is more important than mine, er, I mean, he had some important meetings, I decided to stay home.

When Tariq announced that he wasn't going to be staying home with Y. and I was, my son actually cried. Let me repeat that in more dramatic words: MY SON WOULD RATHER GO TO SCHOOL THAN STAY HOME WITH ME. See, when Daddy stays home to take care of him, it's fun. Games and play time are the order of the day -- all day. When I stay home with him, it's all "Let's take a nap so you can feel better." Some of that is just good sense, most of it is that I'm projecting my lack of sleep for being the reason my children are sick. I'm pretty sure there's a medical study out there that relates a mother's sleep deprivation to her children's immune strength. If there is no such study, it's imperative that someone get on that.

When faced with my son's disappointment, I did what any parent would do: I promised him that we would play games all day and that it would be super fun. In retrospect, this was probably a bad idea. Besides the obvious problem of promising to make it "fun" for my son to stay home from school, I also implied that being popular with my son is more important than us both getting much needed rest. So far, we've made a tent city (the state of Arizona would be proud), made some patterns with blocks, taken random pictures with my NEW iPHONE 5 (!!!!), and played Scrabble.

Yes, I played Scrabble with my three year old. I mean, mostly it's like playing Scrabble with yourself. Luckily, he decided it was time to build trains before I lost. All in all, I think I might be finally be in the running for the title for "Most Coveted Parent to Stay with Home With When You're a Snot Machine." 

The best part of all this is that Yusuf asked me for some "privacy" while he played with his Tinker Toys and then pronounced that he was so happy that I was the one who stayed home with him since Daddy had to work. I'll take what I can get.

Epic Battle: Ninjas vs. Burqas

This is rad. I hope that if you ever have a question like this that you ask me. I think it shows initiative and a deep sense of compassion to want to say and do the right thing. Also, four year olds are hilarious.

So, let's talk abount ninjas versus niqabis. (A niqab is the veil part that goes across the face and a niqabi is an Urdu slang term for women who cover their faces.)

With absolutely no disrespect to my face covering sisters in Islam, I can totally see the ninja-niqabi connection.The subtle differences in clothing are difficult to ascertain, especially for a four year old.

But the question isn't why does a four year old think a Muslim woman with her face covered is a ninja because that's an honest and obvious comparison. We are more concerned here with how we can make this a teachable moment.

1. This.is.SERIOUS.

Put your hand over your mouth, turn your head, pretend you're coughing and get the laughter out of your system. While this situation is hilarious (did I tell you about the time that N. thought Taye Diggs was Barack Obama?), it's important to turn this moment into an opportunity to develop compassion for the different. Laughing with your child is great, but it's important to make sure it's not distracting.

What to Say: "Other than those face coverings, what else looks like ninja clothing? Don't ninjas have swords? Aren't their clothes tighter?" My response to N.'s misperception regarding our president was something to the effect of "Are that man's shoulders as broad as the other handsome guy you saw at the DNC?"

2. Down with Shame!

There is nothing wrong with a child confusing a woman with a veiled face for a ninja, so don't make them feel bad for saying that. Ignorance is not the biggest obstacle to the elimination of bigotry. It's shame. People often feel shamed for making a mistake and then they fight that shame with anger, actual bigotry and denial. 

What to say: "You're right, what she's wearing is very similar to a ninja's mask, but she's not a ninja -- that's called a burqah and what she's wearing on her face is called a niqab." At this point, most children are going to ask another question. If they're under six and don't ask any more question, this is like the sex talk-- just answer what they've asked and don't go any further. Give them the minimum amount of information so they don't feel overwhelmed or worse bored.

3. Identify simple lessons in the opportunity.

Geography is super fun, so try explaining the disparate geography of the ninja and the niqabi. Use it to distract from topics that will likely lead to an incredibly controversial discussion on the constructed cultural concepts of modesty, patriarchy and the Western objectification of Middle Eastern women. And why they're called "Chinese stars" when ninjas originated in Japan.

What to Say: "I definitely see how that veil reminds you of a ninja mask, but did you know ninjas originated in Japan and the veil's history is in the Middle East?"

4. Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another.

And also how you and I are going to save the world together. Let's bring home the point that everyone has different ways of expressing their feelings about clothing. This is a great opportunity to discuss relativism (how much should people cover) and acceptance (how much business do others have in telling people what to cover).

What You Can Say: "Would you go to the grocery store in your underwear? Why or why not? Do you think I would? Why or why not?" Okay, don't say the "why or why not" thing. Do explore with your child the different ways that we determine what is okay to wear and what is not. Move a step further by exploring the issue of how we feel about someone else bringing their determinations from another country. I know this is a tough topic, but that doesn't make it less important. Remember that while your child is their own person, you do have a right to present your beliefs within the context of a value system you've chosen to implement in your home.

5.. It's really just a piece of cloth over someone's face. Mostly.

Here is something to consider: men who ascribe to the practice of Islam which mandates face veiling are required to grow beards that are of a certain length (no longer than a clenched fist) and must wear their clothes in a certain way (for example, the cuffs of their pants must not go below their ankles). And, in my experience, the husbands of women who cover their faces generally adhere to these rules stringently. They never seem to make it as topics for debate on TV or the Internet. Why is that? Something for you (and your child depending on their age) to think about it.

What to Say: I don't know. I just felt the need to throw this last one in there. You do what you want with it!

The thing of it is that a person who wonders (worries) about approaching a cultural misunderstanding with grace has nothing to worry about in the first place. Asking ourselves questions about how we can coexist and be sensitive to difference is an important skill that you can only model by doing.

If you have any questions for me, always feel free to tweet me or post a message my Facebook Community page.

World Music Wednesday: 'Character Dheela' featuring Salman Khan

Note: As of the writing of this post, I have no idea who won the 2012 election. I did write about it at my Babble Voices Blog, though.

This week, we're going to meet the seventh most good looking man in the world according to Time and the best looking man in India according to People. For the record, according to me, the first best looking Indian man in the world lives in downtown Memphis and his shirts are in my closet.

Some Pakistani-American ladies get all the breaks.

While the U.S. population is getting more and more familiar with the Bollywood genre, we're still not well versed in identifying iconic actors like today's feature, Salman Khan. Khan (no relation) has made over sixty movies since his breakout films were released in the very late 80s. His acting isn't exactly breathtaking, but even at the age of forty six he exudes the quintessential feel of flagrant Bollywood flair. Salman Khan and his contemporaries are responsible for laying the pop-culture feel that's made Bollywood so accesible to Western audiences in the last decade.

Sporting blazers over ripped t-shirts and faded jeans borrowed straight from the streets of the U.K., Australia and U.S., Bollywood actors and actresses of the 90s set the tone for films that were rendered digestible by audiences more accustomed to Hollywood rather than Bollywood. Like me, for example. Before the 90s, Bollywood offered a melodrama that I could only identify with on an emotional level in a way that we identify with opera or Shakespeare. In general, the films of old had plot lines that proved genuinely alien to my American life (Mother India, anyone?). When actors like the Khans came along, something clicked and Bollywood became less foreign to those of us who can speak the language but somehow miss the cultural mark by virtue of location.

Of course, not everyone is pleased about the blending of Hollywood and Bollywood style. A majority of the Bollywood audience is still either in the subcontinent or has origins there. Every so often you'll hear the lament of those who feel that Bollywood has gotten too "MTV" which is funny given that MTV never plays music anymore. They do have a point, though. As recently as the 90s, kissing and bikinis were off limits in mainstream Bollywood, but these days the infusion of Western culture into Indian has produced a sultry hybrid that elicits both eye raises and accolades.This song of lament, however, is not new. I assume the Egyptians were singing it when the Macedonians showed up. 

Frankly, I dig Salman Khan because he's pretty symbolic of India to me at least in the cultural sense. Son of a Muslim man and Hindu woman and stepson to a Christian mother, Khan identifies as being half Muslim-half Hindu. Look, even in today's multicultural climate, this choice proves precarious yet inspiringly brave. He's been spotted at Eid prayers and Maha Shirivatari. The moral quality of his private life has been highly questioned due to a rumored drinking and womanizing problem, yet his reputation for children's philanthropy is well known. 

This particular song is an item number from the film "Ready" which is an adaptation of a previously made Telgu film of the same name and like most Bollywood numbers, Khan is lip syncing to someone else's voice. The number is called "Character Dheela" and stars Katrina Kaif, as well. Character is actually the English word "character." The sense of its meaning isn't like "character in a play" but "he's a person of strong character". "Dheela" means loose.

So, the song is about a guy who's a loose character and, truth be told, there's very little debate on the subject of whether or not Salman Khan's character is "dheela." Most people agree that it is. I think this is especially so in the subcontinent where most agree that existence of many labels makes prioritizing one over the other even more important.

I don't know, though. The older I get the more compassion and awe I have for people like Salman Khan who refuse to be boxed into any one thing. He's an amalgam of labels - religious ones, professional, political, ethical, moral... some of the labels fit neatly together but most don't. Unlike the majority of folks, he refuses to give a greater allegiance to any one label, and while that choice might not work for you and I, we're lucky enough to be able to tap our feet to it.

Jise dheko wo husn ki barish mein geela hai...

(Whomever they see, they're drenched in a rain of beauty...)

Do you have any suggestions for World Music Wednesday? Post the videos on Native Born's community page on Facebook to have it featured here on the blog.

Election Day is Coming. And I Decide to Brainwash My Child.

As the presidential race comes to a close, I'm proud to say that both of the children have grown in their awareness not only of the election, but some of the issues, as well. At my Babble Voices Blog, Native Born and Raised, I explain how I tried to teach N. the difference between Republicans and Democrats and how that was a colossal failure.

We value ideas because they are, wait for it, valuable to us. Many times, we choose one set of values over another because we believe that what we have chosen is superior to the alternative. Not all the time is about superiority, but most of the time is. So, when I explain politics to my child, no matter what I say  or what my intention is, I color that presentation with the passion of what I believe to be both just and true.

You can read the whole post here.

Also, many thanks to Nijamatics for the DOPEST MASTHEAD EVER.

That Time I Almost Became J.K. Rowling

Memphis was a seven hour drive from this year’s NonCon.

Unless you’re traveling with a potty trained three year-old. Then, it’s like 17 hours.

Whenever  my husband tries to convince me to buy a portable DVD player, I say, “We didn’t have DVD players on road trips and we turned out just fine.”

If this logic had been applied to things like the smallpox vaccine that would have been unfortunate for all of us. But the point here is that children should exercise their creativity when it comes to entertainment. My husband likes to prove how this idea is ridiculous by instigating made-up “road trip” games.

“Okay, let’s play the story road trip game.”

“Once upon a time,” my daughter says.

“There was a small house.” My husband adds.

The three year-old says, “In a field with a fence and a yard!”

And so forth.

It ends up there’s a small girl living with a monkey in a yellow house with a fence and a yard and she finds a treasure map. At first, I put aside my need for a well developed plot line and ignore the philosophical implications of a community that would be fine with the monkey and unsupervised child scenario, but eventually I get pushed too far.

Read the rest at Aiming Low Family...