When It Comes to Trolls, You Always Have the Upper Hand #Blogging
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 11:30PM 
Were you anything like me when you started experimenting with the Internet?
I imagined that within a few short weeks of starting a blog, I'd maybe make some friends. Then, in a year or so, I'd achieve international super stardom when my blog was deemed the best blog ever. While the verdict on being the best blog ever is a matter of debate, I'm not an international super star. At least, I don't think I am. It's possible that the hope of being given expensive Italian shoes and French designer clothes for free is limiting my definition of success.
Along with dreams of super stardom, there was another naive assumption in that I thought everybody was going to behave online as they do in the real world. By this, I mean that I thought if someone didn't agree with you, there was a 99% chance they'd just move on to another forum where the people they did agree with congregated.
Confessions of Matured Blogger
Four years later, I'm having a very difficult time not laughing hysterically at my naive assumptions. While there's definitely beauty, laughter and friendship on the Internet, levels of cruelty exist in this space that are unsurpassed when compared with the non-virtual life.
The upside of the virtual life, though, is that it offers you the opportunity to face cruelty in a controlled environment. In real life, if someone says something cruel to you, you may react the way I do. I usually start off with doubt.
"Did they really just say that?"
Then, shock. "They really DID just say that."
Doubt again. "Did you just say what I think you said?"
Anger. "Are you KIDDING? What the hell is wrong with you?"
Regret. "I should have just let that go."
All of the above occurs in less than five minutes which, of course, makes me feel even more looney toons.
You Got This
The Internet gives you an opportunity to ... (is it possible?!) stop and think before you express and, importantly, before anyone even knows you're upset. It's a modern day miracle.
For the most part, Internet trolls, known in non-virtual terms as a-holes, jerks, or bigfatSTUPIDS, are mostly unaware of the disadvantages they have in the online space. The funny thing about new bloggers is that they, too, are unaware of some of the distinct advantages they have in the online space.
Emotional distance. When someone's in your face, there's a natural instinct to react immediately. Furthermore, your face can give away a myriad of emotions that you'd rather not have your "aggressor" see. In the online space, you have time to construct a response that is value based instead of "get the hell out of my face" based. Meaning, you can react in the classiest way possible.
Blocking. How nice would it be if, in the non-virtual world, you could physically block someone as soon as garbage comes out of their mouth? I envision a large box just falling from the sky and trapping them inside long enough for me to move away from them. Don't be afraid to block people from your blog, Twitter account or Facebook account if they're being obnoxious. And don't let anyone tell you how much obnoxious you have to tolerate before you do that.
Engagement. Sometimes, it's possible that a troll isn't really a troll. More than a few times, I've come across people who are simply unaware of online etiquette. If this is the case, I may politely point out that I understand their overall point, but I don't like the way they're saying it. If it's someone I know, I might e-mail them separately. Being online gives you the advantage of conscientious construction. As opposed to, "Just shut up already, you're a moron."
La, La, La, I Can't Hear You. My absolute favorite way of dealing with a troll is pretending they don't exist. I had a friend who was being harassed by a troll and her approach was to simply skip that comment while replying to others. It was terrific. I think the worst thing you can do to a troll is act like they don't exist.
Always Be You. The Best, Kindest, Most Awesome Version of You.
I'm sure there are more strategies and advantages that can be shared in the comments here, and I invite everyone to share how they deal with trolls - whether they appear on Facebook, Twitter, on blogs or under bridges. I do want to leave you with this, though: the manner in which you react in both virtual and non-virtual situations is always up to you. Your reaction is ultimately a statement of internal beliefs and values. Don't let some troll tell you who you are.
Unless who you are is someone who is getting free designer Italian shoes. Which would be awesome.
Speaking of dialogue (wait, what?), we've resumed recording Hey! That's My Hummus!. This week, we discussed that six year old kid that got suspended for singing LMFAO and the concept of "brown" face. If you're not subscribed on iTunes, you can stream the audio directly from our site.
blogging, dialogue, integrity, internet drama, relationships in Relationships
Reader Comments (17)
I remember my first troll like it was yesterday. The fact that I was so incredibly shocked at the time used to be funny to me... hundreds of trolls later, it's just sad. Now I just ignore the haters and never given them a second thought.
But that first one? That's stuck like glue.
You could have just emailed me instead of writing this whole passive-aggressive post.
I've only had several experiences with trolls. They silly.
I don't think I've ever had a problem with online trolls. Ever. Much like in real life, I like to think I give off a vibe that says, "DON'T f@!# with me", but I don't think that's necessarily true. I kind of enjoy the trolls. The more they get to speak, the dumber they look. I think the ones that are being truly hurtful, though - the ones who are just self righteous assholes? They need to be called out, and squashed like the pests they are. (Not necessarily publicly, though. Sometimes, that's just feeding their need for attention.)
Phew! This was about Beta-Dad? I thought you were giving me the heads up I was about to be blocked.
@Dave 2: Same. I haven't had hundreds, but several... but, yes, that first one is burned in my memory.
@betadad: Okay, You made me laugh out load. TROLL!!
B.E. Earl: That's because you're a very lovable guy. And you have that new anti-troll spray.
Sybil Law: It definitely has something to with how one postures themselves. I don't know if it's the done't mess with me vibe for me more so than it's "Oh, God, she's going to talk me to death."
Allyson : You're so funny -- if I were going to block you, I WOULD HAVE DONE IT BY NOW. :-) XO
I get very few trolls anymore, but man it used to be CONSTANT. I have found ignoring them really is the very best policy.
Although replying randomly with comments like "SO'S YOUR FACE!" was a close second.
I've never been trolled because I am not an international blog star like you.
See...this comment is the opposite of a troll. This is the "ass-kisser".
I've had one troll: On my first blog. I remember the entire content of the comment. I chose to school her (or him) with facts and never heard from her (or him) again.
Ignoring would be my usual way of handling it, but sometimes it's cathartic to let 'em have it. ;)
I rarely see blocking as an effective policy because you can't block people in real life, so why would you treat something online any differently. Ignoring them works wonders, and of course, as you know, my favorite solution is just to escalate the trolling right back at them until they give up.
ah, now I get it.
I have only had one troll. I have gotten a nasty comment here and there, but only once have I gotten a dedicated individual coming to my site and making nasty comment after nasty comment. It was awesome (sarcastic type of awesome) because the troll was leaving comments directly blaming Manoj for his father's suicide. Which is about as low as someone can go, even for a troll!
I am SO sorry you are dealing with such crap!
Beautifully put, Faiqa. I think ignoring is awesome, too. But I confess there have been times I've tried to engage with the trolls in hopes of winning, but...failed miserably. Lesson learned.
I blocked someone last night. Someone who has been consistently rude, condescending, and full of unsolicited advice. I realized last night when she snarkily (totally a word) replied to one of my tweets, that she never ever says anything nice. So why was I hanging on to her? No good reason, obviously. So I blocked her, and although I felt like a jerk for doing so, there are personal boundaries that are important to me. Also, Twitter being a fun place to socialize with people is important to me too, as hokey as that sounds. I don't want any part of my internet experience to upset me, especially after what happened in October 2010. So there it is. No more crap. No regrets.
Oh and as far as blog trolls... ignore. That's all I do. I rarely get any anymore. The odd one comes out and says things like "OMG YOU'RE SO WRONG, FLO RIDA IS THE BEST EVER!" on a 4 year old post, and that's about it.
My reaction is pretty much the same as yours: First I'm shocked, then I doubt myself, then I'm shocked again and (over)react. I don't always regret my reaction, but there are often times when that all happens in under five minutes. Being human is fun like that.
My approach to trolls -- or people I think are being troll-ish -- is to come back to their comment or tweet another day. If it still really pisses me off, I try to find a diplomatic way to respond. More often than not, I just ignore it.
I haven't had a real troll (the kind that keeps coming back to spew negativitiy), but it's my belief that once you've got one or two, you've made it in the online world. Haters are proof that you're doing something right. This was great advice, Faiqa!
I have been relatively lucky but I have gotten a few over the years. You makes some very valid points. Don't feed the trolls!
@Britt: You were the person I was talking about that skipped a recurring troll. It was brilliant and effective.
@Vikki:Ass-kissers should get their own posts, too.
@Megan: Sometimes, responding is the right thing to do.
@Avitable: I've only ever blocked one person and it really didn't make me feel any better. Also, it didn't work because... here you still are.
@cagey: Actually, I haven't had a troll in over two years. I just wrote this because I noticed some of my friends were having issues.
@erin margolin: I really think there are situations when it's better just to engage because it will nag at you otherwise.
@Karen Sugarpants: I thought the Flo rida was something that you used to respond to trolls, which would have been HILARIOUS!
@Liz: That's a great technique; walking away for a little while is brilliant.
@Corey Feldman: Yes - the trolls should know there isn't any food around here, anyway. :-)