Tuesday
Mar222011
Getting Personal
Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 11:48PM
The third anniversary of this blog came and went without much fanfare from me or, well, anyone else. Not that I expect anyone to remember my blog's birthday because obviously the majority of you weren't around the day that first post went live.
I had a specific intention when I started this project. First and foremost, I was in the very normal circumstance that many women who have chosen to stay at home find themselves at the two year mark. I was happy to stay at home, to spend time with my child and my decision to do so was everything I thought it was going to be... except for that one little thing.
Nobody really warns you about the deep sense of isolation being a stay at home mother can cause. Of course, there's the children. They're always there. And there's the playdates, too, where if you're as lucky and discerning as I am with your mommy friend choices, you get to talk and hang out with some amazing women. But, even if those relationships blossom into friendships that occur outside one's identity as a mom, the impetus of those relationships remain within at least an initial context of motherhood. It's inexplicable, but it left me with a longing for wanting to be seen as someone more than a beautiful little girl's mother or a charming, successful man's wife.
First, I started this blog so I could be heard. And it has happened in more than one amazing way.
I also started this blog with another specific intention.
Perhaps due to my ascent into proper adulthood, I began to sense that there were gaps in understanding in the people around me. Ebbs of innocent ignorance or tidal waves of rampant xenophobia became apparent. I wanted to change that, I wanted to show people that Muslims, brown people, women, liberals, people who recycle... they don't have horns on their heads and they can actually be compassionate and caring human beings.
By no means is this blog wildly popular. However, I can say that it is respected not only for it's content, but for the content of its creator's character. In my mind, that makes it a success.
It's interesting, in the past week, I've received several e-mails from companies inquiring about placing ads on this site.
You should know that this will never happen. I'm a big believer in the fact that people should never use the word "never" because that's a surefire way to make sure that exactly what you don't want to happen will, in fact, definitely happen.
But, I say it again, you will never see ads on this site. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. There isn't. Some of the most valued writers in my feedreader have ads on their blogs. I respect them and I admire their blogs and the existence of ads makes no difference to me.
I will not write for money on this site, though.
The intent of this blog is and always will be to cause people to consciously approach the labels, categories, monikers or truths they apply in their daily lives. It is to make readers pause and reevaluate assumptions about how the world works and about the people in that world.
I can think of no amount of money that would prompt me to consider inviting distraction from that purpose.
I don't write for myself anymore, either. After embarking on the task of keeping a private journal, the need to express has been adequately fulfilled by that. I no longer write to stave off that initial sense of isolation brought on by motherhood. I have formed deep and meaningful friendships where I can not only be myself, but where I can honestly and without reservation express the deepest emotions within.
So, if it's not the money, and if it's not for myself or the need to be heard, why am I writing at Native Born?
In addition to newer projects I've been working on, this question is the culprit behind the erratic lapses of time between posts.
I start posts and I stop them. I wonder... what is the point... why I am I writing this? I've figured it out, though.
I write here for you. For YOU.
I suspect, without any factual evidence to offer, that in many cases with readers of this blog I may be the only Pakistani-Muslim-American-Mom-Married-to-A-Naturalized-Citizen-Who-Was-Born-In-India-And-Raised-In-Saudi that many of you know. And yet, as I peruse the posts of the past three years, I notice that while I've offered much in the way of thoughts on politics, social issues, religion and such... I haven't really told you a whole lot about myself.
I am a person living in the same world you are living in.
I'm curious if those labels up there make us that much different.
Aren't you?
I'll still write about philosophical dilemmas and all of the things to which you are accustomed, but I will be writing more about myself. I may write about women in the Middle East one day and how I couldn't find tahini paste at the grocery store the next. I may even write a post about how I do my laundry. You can mark that one as read, if you like. I won't be mad. I will never write about traffic, though, Ms. Karen.
The best way to normalize who I am for those of you who might never have met a person like me if it weren't for these here Internets is to tell you about me, what my life is like... and, yes, sometimes, how I truly feel about it all.
Essentially, I've devoted almost a thousand words trying to tell you something very simple.
This is a personal blog.
And, now?
It's going to start acting more like one.
I had a specific intention when I started this project. First and foremost, I was in the very normal circumstance that many women who have chosen to stay at home find themselves at the two year mark. I was happy to stay at home, to spend time with my child and my decision to do so was everything I thought it was going to be... except for that one little thing.
Nobody really warns you about the deep sense of isolation being a stay at home mother can cause. Of course, there's the children. They're always there. And there's the playdates, too, where if you're as lucky and discerning as I am with your mommy friend choices, you get to talk and hang out with some amazing women. But, even if those relationships blossom into friendships that occur outside one's identity as a mom, the impetus of those relationships remain within at least an initial context of motherhood. It's inexplicable, but it left me with a longing for wanting to be seen as someone more than a beautiful little girl's mother or a charming, successful man's wife.
First, I started this blog so I could be heard. And it has happened in more than one amazing way.
I also started this blog with another specific intention.
Perhaps due to my ascent into proper adulthood, I began to sense that there were gaps in understanding in the people around me. Ebbs of innocent ignorance or tidal waves of rampant xenophobia became apparent. I wanted to change that, I wanted to show people that Muslims, brown people, women, liberals, people who recycle... they don't have horns on their heads and they can actually be compassionate and caring human beings.
By no means is this blog wildly popular. However, I can say that it is respected not only for it's content, but for the content of its creator's character. In my mind, that makes it a success.
It's interesting, in the past week, I've received several e-mails from companies inquiring about placing ads on this site.
You should know that this will never happen. I'm a big believer in the fact that people should never use the word "never" because that's a surefire way to make sure that exactly what you don't want to happen will, in fact, definitely happen.
But, I say it again, you will never see ads on this site. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. There isn't. Some of the most valued writers in my feedreader have ads on their blogs. I respect them and I admire their blogs and the existence of ads makes no difference to me.
I will not write for money on this site, though.
The intent of this blog is and always will be to cause people to consciously approach the labels, categories, monikers or truths they apply in their daily lives. It is to make readers pause and reevaluate assumptions about how the world works and about the people in that world.
I can think of no amount of money that would prompt me to consider inviting distraction from that purpose.
I don't write for myself anymore, either. After embarking on the task of keeping a private journal, the need to express has been adequately fulfilled by that. I no longer write to stave off that initial sense of isolation brought on by motherhood. I have formed deep and meaningful friendships where I can not only be myself, but where I can honestly and without reservation express the deepest emotions within.
So, if it's not the money, and if it's not for myself or the need to be heard, why am I writing at Native Born?
In addition to newer projects I've been working on, this question is the culprit behind the erratic lapses of time between posts.
I start posts and I stop them. I wonder... what is the point... why I am I writing this? I've figured it out, though.
I write here for you. For YOU.
I suspect, without any factual evidence to offer, that in many cases with readers of this blog I may be the only Pakistani-Muslim-American-Mom-Married-to-A-Naturalized-Citizen-Who-Was-Born-In-India-And-Raised-In-Saudi that many of you know. And yet, as I peruse the posts of the past three years, I notice that while I've offered much in the way of thoughts on politics, social issues, religion and such... I haven't really told you a whole lot about myself.
I am a person living in the same world you are living in.
I'm curious if those labels up there make us that much different.
Aren't you?
I'll still write about philosophical dilemmas and all of the things to which you are accustomed, but I will be writing more about myself. I may write about women in the Middle East one day and how I couldn't find tahini paste at the grocery store the next. I may even write a post about how I do my laundry. You can mark that one as read, if you like. I won't be mad. I will never write about traffic, though, Ms. Karen.
The best way to normalize who I am for those of you who might never have met a person like me if it weren't for these here Internets is to tell you about me, what my life is like... and, yes, sometimes, how I truly feel about it all.
Essentially, I've devoted almost a thousand words trying to tell you something very simple.
This is a personal blog.
And, now?
It's going to start acting more like one.
Reader Comments (45)
Ohhhh good post. I hate starting off comments like that, but it's the truth! Your blog is awesome, as are you, and you're popular because your content rocks.
Happy three years, by the way. I just celebrated four years in the blog world. And it's such a big part of my life!
Now, I do have ads on my blog, and I do make money from what I do, and this is okay with me, because God knows I'm a bit of a shopaholic. ;)
I love writing for my audience, too. I do it for me, too.
Anyway! Rock on. :) xo
Happy Blogiversary (gag).
I've always thought of your blog as a personal one, albeit written by someone with less of an inclination to whining and more likely to go militant about a subject they're passionate about.
I can only hope that one day my blog is as respected (and respectable) as yours. Maybe I should start by cutting out the swearing and shit?
I want to buy an ad!
I love your blog. It makes me think, it makes me laugh, it makes me cry. In many ways, it's always been about you.
I can only imagine you'll find a way to make it better. I can't wait to read more about you.
And P.S.: I can't wait to read about your laundry. Not in that creepy stalker sense, no worries. :-)
Ok listen here, Token (may I call you Token?). I didn't become a reader of your blog so I could learn about you. I'm here for the potentiality of advertisement that might vie for my oh-so-worthy attention. So you'd better clean up that
not-holier-than-thou attitude and rethink things
Ok listen here, Token (may I call you Token?). I didn't become a reader of your blog so I could learn about you. I'm here for the potentiality of advertisement that might vie for my oh-so-worthy attention. So you'd better clean up that
not-holier-than-thou attitude and rethink things
I want to hear more stories about your kid spilling Sprite on the floor and turning it into contact paper. Sheesh - politics? Who needs that?? :-P
re: ads - I did them for awhile and never felt okay with it. I will still do product reviews here and there, but even those I keep off my main site. I decided I wanted my main site to truly represent me.
Faiqa, regardless of what you write about, you will always have a large following. Simple reason for that: you write from the heart. Love ya.
Okay, you write what you want to write on your blog, and I'll continue to write about what I want. Live and let live. But ftr, I don't care (nor did I write) about traffic. I wrote about comments.
Have at 'er! :)
Okay, you write what you want to write on your blog, and I'll continue to write about what I want. Live and let live. But ftr, I don't care (nor did I write) about traffic. I wrote about comments.
Have at 'er! :)
I follow your blog only in hopes of posts about Buffy and Angel.
I'm still waiting...
This has always felt like a personal blog to me. A personal blog of an incredibly intelligent woman with a lot to share. Hope that doesn't change.
Know that I will be looking and reading with love.
My blog will be 3 in a few weeks and I didn't even realize it until I read this post! I enjoy your blog a lot and I hope you continue to write here.
I have no idea how old my blog is. Old -ish, I guess.
I do know, though, that anything I read here is well written and thoughtful, and I am quite sure that will not change. Yay!
:)
yippeeeee! good for you. although I actually know quite a few citizens of pakistani origin who are muslim and married to Indian born naturalized citizens raised in Saudi. Well, maybe two. Including you. but still! yay! can't wait to know more about faiqakhan!
I'm glad to hear we'll get to know you a bit better. I have a picture in my head of a woman who never loses her temper, and has the patience of a saint. I would like it if you could tarnish this image for me a bit. Or you know, start classes to help me be more like you.
Well, I have always loved your writing, and I will now love it even more.
Now, for some juicy, personal details.......
I have always loved reading your blog, and I will love learning more about you.
I get ya. I blog because I'm the only lesbian mom that many people "know", sometimes the only lesbian. It's powerful anytime we write ourselves into existence.
You and I must have started our blogs pretty close to each other in 2008 since my 3 yr blogiversary is coming up pretty quick here (April 1st)
Happy belated blogiversary, Faiqa
Can't wait to learn more about you.
And that's why I keep coming back.
Happy anniversary. K
@Loukia, Thank you! I totally get the use of ads, but I guess I shop less than others? Heh.
@SciFi Dad, It always shocks me when someone uses the word "militant" to describe me. And, yes, it's been used several times. One of Tariq's friends actually called me Militante. Oh, well, might as well own it.
@Miss Britt, SOLD! Although, I don't know if my readership will be a good market demagraphic for a 1999 phone book from Iowa. Hahaha
@LeSombre, Wow. This comment kinda floored. It's wonderful to be respected by someone that I also respect so much. Thank you.
@whall, HAHAHA... Oh, God, you called me "token." Of all the people... you obviously don't realize that YOU are MY white over-privileged male token.
@cagey, Exactly. Lord... the Sprite. There was a Ruh Afzah incident too which I'm pretty sure you'd be among a minority of people who would actually get it.
@Sahar, Love you, too. It's a good feeling to know that someone who really knows me like you do enjoys this blog, too. It reiterates my desire to be sincere online as well as off.
@Karen Sugarpants, There was a driving analogy in there, which truthfully, I was totally cool with. Also... you have blog? Snort. I totally read it. I DO.
@B.E. Earl, You know what? Why not? I mean, why bother with being culturally relevant?
@hello haha narf, That will not change. and thanks.
@Elita @ Blacktating, Thank you, I'm not going anywhere. And congratulations!
@Sybil Law, Thanks... it's very cool that you've been around since the beginning. You will always be a VIP in this comments section.
@Kate, Really? Me and your two friends should start a club. Or a political party.
@Allyson, I am patient, but I do lose my temper every now and then and it's not pretty.
@Jason, Juicy details in the making...
@Lisa, Thank you. XO
@Vikki,"It’s powerful anytime we write ourselves into existence."
Kind of stunned by the power of that.
@martymankins, Yeah, we're the same age!
@Megan, Can't wait to tell you all about me. :-)
@always home and uncool, Thanks... I appreciate that. To be appreciated by a writer such as yourself is a win in my book.
If it's going to be a personal blog now, does that mean I can start swearing finally?
Fuck yeah!
@Faiqa, wait, I thought that was my role! Err... or... hmm... Adam's, I suppose. :-)
Happy Blog-a-versary (are we coining a new word?)
A great accomplishment. I will continue to read your posts, ads or no ads, personal or political (or otherwise). It's all good.