Wednesday
Jul072010
On Fulfillment
Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 09:59PM
A while ago, I wrote a post asking people to ask me anything PG rated.
I bet you thought I forgot about that, but, no, I'm saving the answers for days like this. Days when I can't bring myself to post another YouTube video or a poem or a link or something else that pretends it's a post but is actually a punishment to the loyal readers of this blog.
Don't worry, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
So, that day, Poppy from Poppy Cedes asked me, "What do you do to lead a fulfilling life?"
I wish that I had an extraordinarily thoughtful and well crafted response to post here, but I don't think I do.
Oh, good, they think, more punishment.
See, I'm one of those people who believe that we have everything we need before we even know we have it.
In other words, it's not a matter of acquiring fulfillment, but it's a matter of opening one's eyes and life to the fulfillment that exists within and around us.
I don't search for fulfillment.
It, to me, is a natural state of being. Fulfillment is enmeshed deep within every cell of my body and within the ethers of my soul. Souls have ethers, right?
I feel it when I wake up in the morning. I feel it when I make my kids' breakfasts, or change a diaper, or make dinner. I might not feel it as much when it's 9:30 and both the children have been refusing to sleep for the past hour and a half, but it's still there for the most part.
Wait-a-minute! This is not a post about how my kids help me lead a more fulfilling life, and please ignore any indications to the contrary.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, I mean, the kids, they help me feel fulfilled.
But, I feel fulfilled when I ditch those same kids to go hang out with my friends or on that rare occasion go out on a "date night" with their father.
In fact, I still feel fulfilled if I'm laying on the couch watching a "Law and Order" marathon on TNT which I would totally do if I had cable.
This is where some of you roll your eyes and say, "Nobody could ever be that put together without the aid of mind altering drugs," so I will state in full disclosure that I am capable of being unhappy, angry, and all of those other very human emotions. My husband would undoubtedly add here that I am not only capable of these emotions, but I, in fact, display them with all the trappings of a well seasoned professional.
I will also add here, though, that I don't necessarily equate happiness and fulfillment.
Fulfillment can lead to happiness, happiness is a symptom of fulfillment, but I don't think they're exactly the same thing.
Happiness is an emotion, whereas fulfillment is a state of being. Fulfillment means, to me, that one's life has meaning and that this meaning is something real, nurturing and positive.
The life that I lead means something, and I carry this belief with me at all times.
Sure, I can do better, I can do more, and one day I will. But what I do now is real, positive and nurtures my spirit.
To me, that's fulfillment.
I guess what I am trying (ineffectively it seems) to say is that the secret to my fulfillment is grounded in the total ownership of my life.
I chose to be here, you know?
I choose to stay here, for now.
If I'm not fulfilled, the only person who is really responsible for that is the person staring back at me in the mirror.
I don't have to change the world or the face of corporate America or your mind or even a diaper to feel like I've done something important because I choose to imbue my every action with a sense of importance and meaning.
So, Poppy, to answer your remarkable question, "I choose to be fulfilled in order to feel fulfilled."
What?! It makes sense to me. :-)
I bet you thought I forgot about that, but, no, I'm saving the answers for days like this. Days when I can't bring myself to post another YouTube video or a poem or a link or something else that pretends it's a post but is actually a punishment to the loyal readers of this blog.
Don't worry, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
So, that day, Poppy from Poppy Cedes asked me, "What do you do to lead a fulfilling life?"
I wish that I had an extraordinarily thoughtful and well crafted response to post here, but I don't think I do.
Oh, good, they think, more punishment.
See, I'm one of those people who believe that we have everything we need before we even know we have it.
In other words, it's not a matter of acquiring fulfillment, but it's a matter of opening one's eyes and life to the fulfillment that exists within and around us.
I don't search for fulfillment.
It, to me, is a natural state of being. Fulfillment is enmeshed deep within every cell of my body and within the ethers of my soul. Souls have ethers, right?
I feel it when I wake up in the morning. I feel it when I make my kids' breakfasts, or change a diaper, or make dinner. I might not feel it as much when it's 9:30 and both the children have been refusing to sleep for the past hour and a half, but it's still there for the most part.
Wait-a-minute! This is not a post about how my kids help me lead a more fulfilling life, and please ignore any indications to the contrary.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, I mean, the kids, they help me feel fulfilled.
But, I feel fulfilled when I ditch those same kids to go hang out with my friends or on that rare occasion go out on a "date night" with their father.
In fact, I still feel fulfilled if I'm laying on the couch watching a "Law and Order" marathon on TNT which I would totally do if I had cable.
This is where some of you roll your eyes and say, "Nobody could ever be that put together without the aid of mind altering drugs," so I will state in full disclosure that I am capable of being unhappy, angry, and all of those other very human emotions. My husband would undoubtedly add here that I am not only capable of these emotions, but I, in fact, display them with all the trappings of a well seasoned professional.
I will also add here, though, that I don't necessarily equate happiness and fulfillment.
Fulfillment can lead to happiness, happiness is a symptom of fulfillment, but I don't think they're exactly the same thing.
Happiness is an emotion, whereas fulfillment is a state of being. Fulfillment means, to me, that one's life has meaning and that this meaning is something real, nurturing and positive.
The life that I lead means something, and I carry this belief with me at all times.
Sure, I can do better, I can do more, and one day I will. But what I do now is real, positive and nurtures my spirit.
To me, that's fulfillment.
I guess what I am trying (ineffectively it seems) to say is that the secret to my fulfillment is grounded in the total ownership of my life.
I chose to be here, you know?
I choose to stay here, for now.
If I'm not fulfilled, the only person who is really responsible for that is the person staring back at me in the mirror.
I don't have to change the world or the face of corporate America or your mind or even a diaper to feel like I've done something important because I choose to imbue my every action with a sense of importance and meaning.
So, Poppy, to answer your remarkable question, "I choose to be fulfilled in order to feel fulfilled."
What?! It makes sense to me. :-)
Reader Comments (22)
One of my favorite bible verses is when Paul says I have learned to be content in wherever I find myself. I have hung on to this little nugget of truth for dear life over the last 6 years. I have made hard choices and I am not always happy, but I try to be content (at peace) every day. Nice post!! :)
I am so honored to call you my friend. You make me teary-eyed with quiet pride that you are so fulfilled in life without needing to fake it. Happy, happy heart. :)
It makes sense to me, too. <3
Makes absolute, perfect sense to me. You described what I feel in my heart, only I have problems understanding people who feel lost, because I don't get it.
It actually does make sense.
I believe that my life has a purpose, even if the purpose isn't always exactly clear to me, I know it's there. My job, I think, is to just trust in that and do the best I can from moment to moment, believing that I'm fulfilling my purpose along the way.
And this, my darling, is the "secret" of life - that has never been a secret. Not to FIND your life, or to PLAN your life, but to LIVE your life, fully, loudly, quietly, whatever. To really LIVE it. "Mindfulness", they call it. Proud of you.
I think my wife would say its impossible to be fulfilled if you dont have cable. ;)
Maybe if you had cable, changing a poopy diaper wouldn't be as fulfilling as you think.
This is a lesson that many people never learn. Being in the moment, of the moment and finding the good there is what makes a life worth living. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come - all we have is this moment right here, right now.
@Becca, That's an excellent quote to live by.
@Poppy, You're welcome, honey, I treasure you as well.
@Sybil Law, It is hard to "get" people who feel lost... especially when one ascribes to the belief that life is mostly state of mind. That's enormously difficult for some people to grasp.
@Miss Britt, I agree, the purpose is not always clear, but sometimes the knowledge that it exists is enough to carry one through times of confusion.
@Nanna, I try. :)
@Hockeymandad, It's a long, hard, self righteous road without it, my friend. She has a point.
@SciFi Dad, I love that both you and Hockeymandad grabbed onto the cable thing. Men.
@Finn, And, people might find if they lived giving each moment its due, that the sum of their lives would equate to so much more.
@Faiqa, That's because you didn't mention boobs, or bacon.
You are right. I feel like I am pretty fulfilled in my life. I've made some big decisions that have led to that fulfillment. But I'm not always happy.
Very well written post. As usual.
What a very wise way to live!
Life is a blessing for sure. Every moment we get to choose how we will react. Love this!
As you say, I agree is recognizing that we each have a choice how we want to live our life and being fulfilled with the choices we make. Great post!
I love to see how life philosophy is universal, regardless of nationality, religion or belief. It's like you're talking to the soul, not the brain. You found a beautiful way of describing it in your post :)
I'm not at that point yet.