Wednesday
Apr142010
Traveling Light... or Travelling. Whatever.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010 at 08:08PM
I watched Up in the Air last night which was a great movie.
I wouldn't qualify this following passage from the movie as a spoiler, but if you're really sensitive about stuff like that... consider yourself warned.
I was talking to a friend today and in (what I'd like to think is an uncharacteristically exasperated) voice nearly yelled at her, "Why do I have all this stuff... what do I really need this stuff for..."
Why do I need 60 pieces of silverware in my kitchen drawer for only three people?
Why do I need four bathrooms?
Why do I have five sippy cups for one four year old?!!
These sentiments, I know, border on blasphemy in that they probably indicate a lack of gratitude for actually being able to buy that stuff, to have a beautiful place to keep that stuff, and to have been blessed with family who have given us some of this stuff.
That's not the case. I am grateful. Incredibly grateful.
My consternation actually emanates from my not realizing a simple truth much earlier: everything you own will own you to some degree. I know I'm not exactly aged, but I really would have liked to learn this somewhere around my twenties.
I probably could have used the money I spent on flatware alone to buy 52 round trip tickets to France.
Every object exacts a price, and not just the one we paid for it. The price is paid in maintenance, time and effort. It is critical, then, to evaluate whether that thing's ownership of us is actually worth the benefit of having it in our lives.
Does it sustain me? Is it absolutely necessary? Is it distracting me from what I believe to be life's true meaning?
As of this moment, I feel like I'm climbing up Mt. Everest with a backpack full of expensive hair products, four digital clocks and 60 serving dishes.
When I get thirsty, hungry or sick, what good are those things going to do me?
Not much.
I need more room in my backpack. For my family, for my friends, for God. Those are the things that sustain me and are consistent with nurturing my soul. Every ounce of strength devoted to carrying the extraneous is an ounce of strength subtracted from the things that I know in my soul are more important than anything.
Do these things exact a price and do they add weight to my backpack? Of course.
But the difference between them and the digital clocks is that what they give back is much more precious.
Strength.
To keep moving. To keep going. And, sometimes, to rest.
In the end, those things make the backpack feel not quite as heavy. And those are the only things with which I intend to continue my journey.*
So, I'm wondering.
What's in your backpack? Everything you want? Or more silverware?
*And, no, I am not giving away my patio furniture. So don't even ask. You know who you are.
I wouldn't qualify this following passage from the movie as a spoiler, but if you're really sensitive about stuff like that... consider yourself warned.
How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now... Your couch, your car, your home....
I was talking to a friend today and in (what I'd like to think is an uncharacteristically exasperated) voice nearly yelled at her, "Why do I have all this stuff... what do I really need this stuff for..."
Why do I need 60 pieces of silverware in my kitchen drawer for only three people?
Why do I need four bathrooms?
Why do I have five sippy cups for one four year old?!!
These sentiments, I know, border on blasphemy in that they probably indicate a lack of gratitude for actually being able to buy that stuff, to have a beautiful place to keep that stuff, and to have been blessed with family who have given us some of this stuff.
That's not the case. I am grateful. Incredibly grateful.
My consternation actually emanates from my not realizing a simple truth much earlier: everything you own will own you to some degree. I know I'm not exactly aged, but I really would have liked to learn this somewhere around my twenties.
I probably could have used the money I spent on flatware alone to buy 52 round trip tickets to France.
Every object exacts a price, and not just the one we paid for it. The price is paid in maintenance, time and effort. It is critical, then, to evaluate whether that thing's ownership of us is actually worth the benefit of having it in our lives.
Does it sustain me? Is it absolutely necessary? Is it distracting me from what I believe to be life's true meaning?
As of this moment, I feel like I'm climbing up Mt. Everest with a backpack full of expensive hair products, four digital clocks and 60 serving dishes.
When I get thirsty, hungry or sick, what good are those things going to do me?
Not much.
I need more room in my backpack. For my family, for my friends, for God. Those are the things that sustain me and are consistent with nurturing my soul. Every ounce of strength devoted to carrying the extraneous is an ounce of strength subtracted from the things that I know in my soul are more important than anything.
Do these things exact a price and do they add weight to my backpack? Of course.
But the difference between them and the digital clocks is that what they give back is much more precious.
Strength.
To keep moving. To keep going. And, sometimes, to rest.
In the end, those things make the backpack feel not quite as heavy. And those are the only things with which I intend to continue my journey.*
So, I'm wondering.
What's in your backpack? Everything you want? Or more silverware?
*And, no, I am not giving away my patio furniture. So don't even ask. You know who you are.
Reader Comments (43)
You have 4 bathrooms? Can I have one? I'm not moving in or anything, I just want one of those rooms labeled as my own. So when I come to visit it, and when your guests come over, you can say "this is Hockeymandad's bathroom" and I will rejoice.
My backpack has a couple beers and my iPod. My kids will be clipped on the outside and my wife will be attached by one of those cord thingy's. Maybe some snacks for the girls too like popcorn since its light and filling.
My family, friends, my goals and my heart. That's it. Oh and maybe my iPhone. Hahahaha
DAMN IT! You totally read my mind.
Sigh.
But I really, really want it!
I'm actually trying to remove some of the clutter I've had (and sell some of it to you, actually) so that I can move without feeling weighed down by all my possessions.
I still have some kitchen stuff from when I was married *cough*27yearsago*cough*. Seriously.
I could use more happy, and I work on that every day. ;-)
Well far be it from me to differ and/or take it in another direction.... but... here I go anyway.
Yes and no. The reason we have certain stuff may be the key to it. If the tableware was a gift for your wedding love is tied into it. That's on the one hand.
On the other hand there is the effect your "things" have on you. My wife and I are big on the "Arts and Crafts / Craftsman / Prairie Style" ideology. You knew there was one I'm sure. The idea is that if you populate your surroundings with crafted things while being responsible to what effect you are having on the environment you not only improve the general culture but you foster in yourself the foundation of a worldview that enhances your relationship to people and the world. To value the human quotient in "things" should never be discounted.
Also, like those who decry the excesses of the Christmas experience in this country, let's not forget that the products in our house - wherever they were made - are people's jobs.
So though it is true that a materialistic, acquisitive nature is, after all, shallow to the "more important things" in life, use and consumption are not automatically negative.
IMO
I watched Up in the Air a few days ago, and I was blown away by it.
The great thing about friends and family is that they help you can help you carry that backpack when things are at their worst and it's at its heaviest.
George would agree. I think.
It really sucks when u put that u coulda gone to France instead of getting flatware lol... that is totally my view on life tho... I'd rather go to Turkey and Jordan than spend on flatware n furniture.... ahem ahem shariq!
I don't know... maybe flying to Paris from Florida is cheaper than from Ontario, but that's some pretty expensive silverware you use, lady.
Anyhow...
I came across this approach quite by accident (I was in a co-op program in university and moved every four months in my 1991 Mercury Topaz because of it, so I learned how to prioritize and only keep what I *needed*) but it is pervasive to this day (with the notable exception of Star Wars action figures that reside on my desk at work).
Haven't seen the movie, but I do love that line. I wholeheartedly agree that our things own us to some extent. I try my hardest to get clutter and useless shit out of my life.
But I do loves me some good hair product. And shoes.
The comparison to tickets to France made this a little more clear to me, and actually reminded me of something I heard myself start saying a couple of years ago:
"I don't usually find I buy things as much as experiences. I'd rather pay for a trip to NYC than buy a thing."
It never occurred to me that things I already have are adding their own weight as well. I feel another "decluttering" phase coming on...
In my backpack are my husband, son, dogs, other family, my friends, a notebook and pen, and my camera. I'll wear my iPhone around my neck because it helps me manage everything in my backpack.
@Hockeymandad, You can have whichever bathroom you promise to clean. Yeah.
That's what I THOUGHT.
@Karen Sugarpants, I would never part with my Droid. It truly gives back more than it takes.
@Avitable, Hahaha... yes, I did buy some of your crap, didn't I? If the furniture goes, it will go to you.
@Tug, You know... I think kitchen stuff that lasts twenty seven years deserve to be in the backpack.
@RW, "Use and consumption are not automatically negative." Yeah, you're right.
@B.E. Earl, Absolutely. In fact, I was totally with him on the backpack thing in the beginning of the film until he added the bit about family.
@Alecia, http://hoobingfamilyadventures.com, I definitely don't think anyone should get rid of all their stuff... I just meant that the things we own should be consistent with what we believe life means. The fact that you're happy with your current set up, to me, indicates that this is most likely the case with you.
@Shabina, I know exactly what you're going through. EXACTLY. Hmmm... if this is a genetic issue, I predict a turnaround in Shariq's attitude in approximately six years. Something to look forward to... heh.
@SciFi Dad, Well, okay, I would have flown to London. And then taken the rail to Paris. Flights to London are super cheap from here.
@Sybil Law, Hair products. They are my heroin.
@Miss Britt, Feel free to come on over here when you're done.
@Finn, Seriously, I would never categorize a smart phone as extraneous. When used properly, they add enormous benefit to one's life. Unless... Bejeweled or Words with Friends is involved. But, even then, I suppose.
I haven't seen the movie yet. (Why is that, Netflix?)
As my wife can certainly corroborate, I'm terrible at getting read of old stuff. Not "Hoarders" level terrible -- though that's probably more from not gathering as much junk in the first place. I don't mind throwing things out if I think of them as trash, or donating things that seem worthwhile. My problem is with things that seem like they might be useful, either to me in the future, or to friends or family. Or things that might have monetary value that would make them worth selling.
We have a 17" CRT computer monitor that's been sitting on the floor of our study for more than a year. What should I do with it?
I have a 3rd party camera lens that I've outgrown and that doesn't work perfectly. Throw it away? Donate it?
I think if I made a list of the things we need to get rid of, I'd be much better about doing it. I'm pretty good with checking things off of a list. I suppose I should add "make a list of stuff to get rid of" to my todo list....
@Faiqa, be careful what you wish for. I could help you identify "unnecessary stuff" reeeeaaaaal quick.
@Miss Britt, like her patio furniture!
@Avitable, or like your ACTION FIGURE COLLECTION!
Or air bazooka!
Or 184 pens!
@Miss Britt, I'm selling my air bazooka in a garage sale, thank you very much. And you never know when you'll need a pen!
My laptop. That thing owns the shit out of me, which is precisely why it's NOT coming when Mike and I go to Florida. Right now, I see it as a work ball and chaintool, and no work is coming with me. Ha, laptop, HA!
Ahem.
My plan is to leave the laptop at home, and ignore the internet for the week we'll be there. As in, no Twitter or Facebook from the phone. I'll probably break down and tweet at some point, but my goal is to be as free from the internet as possible. Which also means no blogging, but then I can do a monstrous Florida series when I get back, photos and all.
Ah, it all sounds so good...
Aw, hey, my crossed out "ball and chain" got ignored. Sheesh, WordPress!
stop writing better than me.
its pissing me off.
I think having a lot of stuff and consequently spending the time in maintaining it, worked in times when there wasn't access to the experiences to which we have access today. In these times, and for people like you and I (who are more interested in spending our energy in enjoying these experiences), it does not make sense to have 5 sippy cups.
The good thing is that we have realized this now and are on the same page...so let's make some changes!
Also, your "6 year" comment to Shabina does not make sense mathematically. Let me clarify:
If it took me 6 years to realize this then that would mean you started telling me about this when I was 26. This would also mean that you realized the case of the backpack when you were about the same age. But in this post, you claim and i quote, "...but I really would have liked to learn this somewhere around my twenties."
I rest my case... :)
This makes me want to do some serious spring cleaning! It does feel good to get rid of stuff. But why do we keep buying new stuff?
I always say if my house caught on fire, I'd make sure I had my hubs and son, my MacBook, camera, and iPhone. The rest can burn. I guess those are the things in my backpack.
When hub and I moved in together 80% of my stuff went into storage. The idea was that I would gradually find places for it in my small house. What actually happened was as I went through each box, most of those things didn't seem as important as they used to. Now the shed is almost empty and those things have been donated or sold. We have a policy in our house that if one new thing comes in, one old thing must go. We keep down the clutter that way.
@Tariq, LOL! Aww... I miss u guys! Get over here already!
My backpack has nothing in it.
There is absolutely nothing I need in this world to be happy, other than my kids and husband.
Okay fine, I'd stick a laptop and wifi card in there so that I could talk to my friends. And my Bible because that's important.
Other than that, I'm good.
I've been doing some MAJOR decluttering and getting rid of things that we don't absolutely need that are just taking up space.
If we don't need it or love it, it goes.
Of course, I learned all this stuff from The FlyLady. She's my hero.
The things weighing me down are the external stresses I can't control, but I can't seem to rid myself of them either. How does one get rid of financial stress with not enough money and too many bills?? And a child who just told us high school cheerleading costs $560.00??
I agree. We purged a bunch of shit when the Mrs moved into my house (I say "we" but mean "she." I say "shit" but mean "her stuff.") and then purged a bunch more when our basement and garage filled with nasty water last September. I'd still like to remove more, however. We get rid of lots of clothes every year. We never intended to have tons of toys, but everyone else kept giving our kids tons of toys, and now they're all over the house (but are still far fewer than most of my friends' and neighbors' kids' stockpiles). I don't like it. I figure if we ever sell our house, we'll purge a bunch more instead of boxing it up and paying to have it carried.
My parents have a nearly 7000 sq ft house full of shit, including a 5-car garage, and they have off-site storage that they pay for. Ridiculous.
My maternal grandparents were even worse (it took my mom 9mos to go through their shit when they died). I do not want to be like them in this regard. At all. Hence our comparative minimalism.
@muskrat, oh and ps- do you know how many folks have garages and can't use them? how pathetic is that? i will never have a garage so full of shit that my cars sit in the driveway. from what i hear, i'm atypical in this practice, too.
My Pete and I recently moved into a new place. And we made a decision that we are going to live "adventure life," which is to say that we want to move every couple of years or so. In order to make that feasible we bought all our furniture and dishes and "stuff" at consignment shops, or goodwill, or Big Lots. We decided that all we want to bring from house to house is our art, our children's bedroom furniture, and our giant TV (Oh, and our computers). We put our DVD collection into wallets, instead of displaying them on a rack, and we've begun to rip them all on to our Terra-bite external drive. We made the decision that we want only loved ones, and beautiful things in our backpack, not a bunch of stuff.
@muskrat, I'm sorry, when I read "7000 square feet", I broke out in hives...
@Allyson, I like that... "adventure life." Although I don't intend to move as often, I'd say we're formulating the same approach.
i find comfort in stuff. doesn't have to be expensive or have a designer label, but i associate so many memories with things, tangible things that i can touch.
but not fancy silverware.
:)
honestly, it is probably because i live alone. if, like you, i had a houseful of people to see and touch and experience daily it might be different. until then i am one step away from those hoarder reality shows.