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Bridge to Nowhere

I've had a recurring dream for several years now.  I suppose it could be called a nightmare.

I'm driving on a highway and I come upon a bridge.  This is no ordinary bridge, though.  It's huge and very, very narrow.  It has what seems like thousands of bends and turns in it.  Bendy, hundreds of miles high and long, but only about thirty feet wide.

I have a passenger in the car.  Sometimes, it's my brother.  Sometimes, it's my daughter.  Other times, it's a particular younger cousin with whom I have a very close relationship.  The role of "passenger" in my dream always rotates between these three people.  It's never my husband, my parents or any of my friends.  Just one of these three people.  People I for whom I feel very responsible.

As I near the bridge, I feel the panic rise up in my chest.  In my real life, I have a pronounced fear of heights.  My dream does not exempt me from this fear.

My hands start sweating.  The bridge is getting closer.  There's no way to turn around.  I have to go over.

I glance at my passenger and smile.  Everything's fine, my smile says.

The passenger smiles back, they're completely unaware of how completely terrified I am at this very moment.  And a small part of me is grateful for that fact as I start to drive on this bridge that is so high that it's practically vertical.

As I near the apex of the bridge, I realize a truth.  I'm going to crash this car.  I'm going to have an accident.  I am going to drive this car right off of the side of this bridge on accident sending both me and my passenger into the icy depths of the ocean below.

I do nothing to indicate this epiphany to my passenger.  I just smile.  Everything is going to be fine.  Isn't this fun?

We start to descend.  I'm working on an escape plan.  Do we jump out of the car before it crashes?  Do I roll the windows down so we can get out once we hit the water?  Do I even tell the person in the car with me what's going to happen?  Will they even be able to understand and handle that information?

I feel the car gaining speed as we descend.  We're going too fast.  I tap the brakes.  Nothing is happening.  I hit the brakes a little harder.  Nothing is happening.

This is it.

This is where we crash.  And I have no plan.

The car starts to veer towards the railing.  What do I do?

I become frantic.  I look at my passenger.  They're busy with something.  They don't notice.  They don't know what's going to happen.  Oh.  My.  God.

I open my mouth to scream.  Then, I wake up.

And thank goodness I find a box of Girl Scout Thin Mint Chocolate Cookies sitting on the counter when I stumble into the kitchen after all of that nonsense.

Any recurring dreams that make you happy there's a box of cookies on your counter in the middle of the night?

Reader Comments (29)

Maybe it's not a dream... maybe it's a premonition.

OK. Not helping.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSciFi Dad

But were you naked?

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAvitable

No. Twinkies.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKiefer and Emo

I hope you were wearing your seatbelt. I never have recurring dreams like this with rotating people. It's usually the same dream, same porn star person, same position, same ending. I am boring.

Note to self: Never let Faiqa drive anywhere

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNYCWD

I always have those crap dreams, too! And no thin mints. I think the thin mints are giving you nightmares.
(And in my dreams, you ALWAYS roll down the windows, duh!)

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSybil Law

This dream reveals your obvious guilt about your roller coaster secret love affair with Adam. The rotating family members are those you feel would be hurt by the revelation of this affair. The crash, and the certainty of the crash itself, is a metaphor for how this all will inevitably end.

The only think that confuses me is the Thin Mints.

How did I do? ;)

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterB.E. Earl

Thin Mints cure many, many ills.

I don't have recurring dreams. I do have dreams with similar meanings... I have a lot of frustration dreams, the ones where you keep trying to pack your bags to leave college or make some other life transition and you never, never get finished and time is running short? Yeah, those.

You never had these before you were a mom? Methinks you're freaking out about being responsible for your kid(s) and screwing it up. Which you so will not.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFinn

Does that mean you are not going to be eating the Peanut Butter Patties? Woohoo...they're mine...all mine :)

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTariq

Remind me not to get in a car with you. And to always bring you cookies should we ever decide to sleep together.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Sugarpants

I always dream about my teeth falling out. I freak out in my dream because I can't unclench my jaw and I know that they are going to start popping out one by one. It is such a frequent dream of mine that lately , while dreaming, I have been telling myself that I am only dreaming. What in the world is that??

Are you sleeping on your back? I find that I have horrid dreams when I fall asleep on my back.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTami

I've been having this same dream, except you were wearing a giant novelty cowboy hat and speaking backwards with a British accent.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterClown

@SciFi Dad: Thanks. A LOT.

@Avitable: No.

@Kiefer and Emo: Mmmm. Twinkies.

@NYCWD: I am a GREAT driver. Except on big, narrow, winding bridges.

@Sybil Law: Thin mints *are* the devil, so it would make sense that they were causing the nightmare.

@B.E. Earl: "Love affair with Adam." I think I just threw up a little. Because that was the same as saying, "Love affair with your ten year old little brother."

@Finn: Actually, I can't remember if I had the bridge dream before being a parent. I *did* have that college dream. And another one where I get a call from my high school that says I have to come back and take a class that I missed.

@Tariq: OK. *Rentu.*

@Karen Sugarpants: Not just any cookies. THIN MINTS.

@Tami: Oh yeeeah, I had that dream, too. Years ago.

@Clown: A hat that you no doubt procured for me since you seem specialize in bizarre crap like that. (I like how you didn't link to your blog. Just delete the posts where you bashed me and then give me the link. All is forgiven.)

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFaiqa

I have this shopping dream--switches between clothes and chocolate--but in the dream I can afford an abundance of either one; when I wake up, the reality of diet and exercise hits me like a ton of bricks!!

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSaima

If you feel so responsible, why didn't you help me with my pre-algebra homework in 7th grade? Yes, I'm still pissed about that. It better be because you didn't know how to do it.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZia

@Saima: So, in this case.. *reality* is the nightmare.

@Zia: You ungrateful little turd. The complete eradication of your complete dorkiness in junior high was a full time project. Consider my allowing you to get a "C" in pre-Algebra a FAVOR to your social life. (Don't mess with the bull, kid...)

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFaiqa

Um, as your Good Buddy, do I have to go on drives with you?

That's a pretty intense dream and I hope to never have one quite like it. But I do know I've had recurring dreams. I just can't think of them right now. It only occurs to me that I've had the dream immediately upon waking up.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkapgar

Got it. Thin mints, baby. God why do I sound so perverted today?

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Sugarpants

My recurring dream is always me chasing someone, or trying to hurry and find someone..always searching, searching. And most of the time I'm not wearing pants or a skirt.

I have no idea.

I've long since given up on trying to figure myself out. I just embrace the insantiy.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I would like to have recurring dreams, if it meant a box of delicious cookies when I woke up.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrock at MMA gear

Yikes! That is quite a dream. I don't have recurring dreams that I remember, in fact I don't remember my dreams very often. I know I have them but I forget them when I wake up. Maybe that deserves a cookie?

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

Jesus God Almighty, you don't need to be Freud to interpret THAT, do you? Man, honey.

My recurring nightmare(s)

1 - I've had since I was a child. Someone is chasing me, I don't know who. Some "bad guy". I run, but my legs don't move fast enough. I hid in movie theaters, under seats. And then I jump off buildings and fly - but they can fly too.

2 - Since I've been with Jared - he walks away and doesn't hear me cry. Um. Yeah. it'sa little more complicated than that, but not really.

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Britt

I have a real phobia about bridges but it doesn't pop up in my recurring dream.

Mine involves a house with many secret rooms--it's all very vivid and complex

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTurnbaby

My recurring, horrible dream is when I'm in a plane/helicopter/hang-glider/whatever and I fall to the ground. And I wake up as I hit. And I will actually shake the bed when I jerk.

It's horrible.

But the one dream that had me up and sweating and awake for the rest of the night watching infomercials? I was talking to Karl Malden (I have no idea why - I think Ty had just watched Patton that evening) and he turned away from me and when he turned back, it was Samara. The girl from The Ring. With her hair all down in her face. In black and white. And. I. Freaked.

I wish I had had Thin Mints that night.

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCoal Miner's Granddaughter

@kapgar: No, you don't have to go on a drive with me. Unless the body is in *MY* trunk.

@Karen Sugarpants: :D

@Stephanie: No pants/skirt, huh? Are you wearing culottes? Or shorts? Hmmm. I guess it would be best to just embrace the insanity.

@Brock at MMA: OMG. It's a conditioned response, isn't it? I have the dream, I eat cookies. So my subconscious creates the dreams to ensure that I get the cookies. Brilliant.

@Kimberly: Given my epiphany in the last comment, I think the cookies ight help you remember.

@Miss Britt: YES, I have control issues. I know *you* have no idea what THAT'S like.

@Turnbaby: Oh good. I thought I was crazy about the bridges. But, if you're scared of them... then, I'm fine. :)

@Coal Miner's Granddaughter: Whoa. That sounds terrifying. Karl Malden has always scared the crap out of me. Hahaha.

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFaiqa

I have a recurring dream, mostly about my mother. My grandmother is standing in front of my mother. She wants to take my mother away. My mother is sitting in a chair, and I grab my mother from the back holding her very tight and screaming to my grandmother, don't take her away. I wake up crying and sweating because it seems so real. But, I agree with the other poster that it is probably your sense of responsibility of your daughter and the younger generation of your family members. Try eating the cookies before bedtime. LOL I tried to be serious for you but I failed. But, I think you should evaluate what you eat and what you watch on tv or eat before you go to bed when you have these dreams. See if there is a pattern. Don't worry, your daugther is 4 years old and she still alive and well, YOU MUST BE doing a great job!! You'll do a great job with TARIQA JR. hee hee.

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterADRealty

You should get a cleansing.

The bridge represents your intestines. The passenger(s) represent the genetic code you bring with you (notice the family tie-in), and your car represents what you eat. You tell yourself what you're eating is fine. You try to fool your genes into accepting your lies. However, you know in your gut as you approach the bridge, genetics have a tendency to trump whatever rationalization you can drum up.

See? Even when I BS it sounds awesome.

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhall

@ADRealty: Wow. That's a very intense dream.

@whall: That was pretty brilliant, but I think you're projecting. Look at your last line. "I BS." I think that's a cry for help. Don't worry IBS affects a lot of women. :)

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFaiqa

It was a subliminal reminder for you.

The fact you caught the reference is indicative of your ability to be quite self-aware, and if you were to channel that energy into addressing the inequities present in your internal digestive system, you would then bridge the gap between those two disparate realities, as it were.

Complete the cycle. Be the enzymatic action. Embrace your inner digestive tract. Embody the transliteral.

Become the cliche.

You are now ready to take on the world, my child.

February 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhall

my recurring nightmare involves my teeth crumbling like sugar cubes. (when i was younger i knocked out my front tooth and it has always bothered me that i have a fake tooth.)

if you are truly terrified of bridges, me thinks you would HATE pittsburgh. yep, i live in the city of bridges. one that even starts as you exit a tunnel. guess i am stuck coming down there to see your pretty face.

February 26, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

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